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Short-Story

“Global Warming Please Hurry Up.”

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Autumn weather September 25th...A resident of Knaresborough wades through water following flooding from the River Nidd in the town. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Tuesday September 25, 2012. See PA story WEATHER Wet. Photo credit should read: John Giles/PA Wire

Global Warming, Please Hurry Up

Johnny strides out the front door onto the street and walks the short, dramatic distance to the convenience store. The weather is harsh this morning. He comes across Albert, a neighbor, an elder wearing a beige woolen hat, winter jacket, and aided by a stick while puffing on a flimsy roll-up.

“How is your health, Albert?” Johnny asks.

“Can’t complain,” he responds resignedly.

“How are you, son?”

“Surviving,” Johnny responds, smiling as always.

“Going to the shop, son?” Albert inquires.

“Yes, I am,” Johnny replies.

Johnny takes time analyzing the shelf of newspapers, deciding which one to buy. “£2.50 for the Independent,” he mumbles. “I might as well go online.” He turns sharply, lifting a bottle of washing up liquid. He pays at the counter as Albert waits for him outside.

As they meander back to their estate, a sudden blast of wind and rain distorts their cold-looking faces.

“Global warming, please hurry up,” Albert spurts out. Johnny laughs aloud.

“I am not looking forward to winter,” Johnny admits.

“It’s the snow and the ice I can’t take,” Albert immediately responds.

“Since they started going on about global warming, we have had nothing but unpredictable summers, horrendous flooding, and falling temperatures,” Johnny remarks.

“It’s global warming in reverse,” jokes Johnny.

Albert grins, then states, “And those poor sods who bought lovely retirement homes on the coast! We are still waiting for that Mediterranean weather they keep promising us. And a Siberian wind is blowing in next week.”

“My goodness,” Johnny replies, shaking his head.

“The only sun I am guaranteed is my two weeks’ holiday abroad. I promise you, son, not so long ago, I would sit in my backyard sunbathing myself, getting a lovely tan before I went away,” Albert reminisces, gesticulating with his finger. “I used to come back to England in my shorts and T-shirt. Now? I pack my winter clothes in my suitcase for the return.”

Johnny cackles. They stroll slowly ahead.

“It’s not good, Albert,” Johnny says, shrugging his shoulders, “but surely better days are ahead.”

“I bloody hope so! Global warming, please hurry up,” Albert exclaims.

They warmly shake right hands.

“We don’t get it that bad really here in the UK,” says Albert.

“You look after yourself, son,” Johnny says.

“And you, Albert. Take care…”

“I am not looking forward to winter,” Johnny admits.

“It’s the snow and the ice I can’t take,” Albert immediately responds.

“Since they started going on about global warming, we have had nothing but unpredictable summers, horrendous flooding, and falling temperatures,” Johnny remarks.

“It’s global warming in reverse,” jokes Johnny.

Albert grins, then states, “And those poor sods who bought lovely retirement homes on the coast! We are still waiting for that Mediterranean weather they keep promising us. And a Siberian wind is blowing in next week.”

“My goodness,” Johnny replies, shaking his head.

“The only sun I am guaranteed is my two weeks’ holiday abroad. I promise you, son, not so long ago, I would sit in my backyard sunbathing myself, getting a lovely tan before I went away,” Albert reminisces, gesticulating with his finger. “I used to come back to England in my shorts and T-shirt. Now? I pack my winter clothes in my suitcase for the return.”

Johnny cackles. They stroll slowly ahead.

“It’s not good, Albert,” Johnny says, shrugging his shoulders, “but surely better days are ahead.”

“I bloody hope so! Global warming, please hurry up,” Albert exclaims.

They warmly shake right hands.

“We don’t get it that bad really here in the UK,” says Albert.

“You look after yourself, son,” Johnny says.

“And you, Albert. Take care…”

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Skendong

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